• Sabrina Irvine

A Letter to a Stay at Home Mama who is Struggling

Updated: Feb 25

Dear Stay at Home Mama, I want to start this letter by recognizing that the job you do is so undeniably difficult and undeniably incredible at the same time. As a stay at home Mama, you put aside your career goals to be home with your children. The decision to stay home may have been made because you wanted that time with your kids, or simply because when you looked into childcare costs it just wasn't feasible for your family. Whatever the path that led you to your stay at home role...I just want you to know that you are valued, loved and important. I want you to know, that even when you feel you're dropping every single ball in your motherhood court...you're doing just fine. As a stay at home mom, you may be navigating conversations with those who don't understand the daily work load you face. You are constantly forced to brush off insensitive comments regarding the fact that you "don't work". Hear this loud and clear Mama...YOU DO WORK! Every single day of the week you work, from morning to night you bust your butt at a job that NEVER ENDS. Stop putting yourself down, start holding your head up high and owning the incredible job you do. I see your struggle, and I want you to know you are valued, loved and important. There are days when you get pretty upset, you simply don't have any financial independence from your spouse. You once had a sense of pride in bringing in an income, and now you're entire bank balance is dependent on someone else. The very thought of spending any money on yourself makes your stomach upset because you aren't bringing in a monthly income. The guilt of finances weighs heavy on you and is often the center for many arguments. I see your struggle, and I want you to know you are valued, loved and important. There will be difficult days and weeks that feel impossible, please know you are not alone. Don't be afraid to reach out for help from family and friends if you are struggling. Book yourself a babysitter through Little Einsteins, take a few hours alone to recharge and fill your cup. Taking care of yourself isn't a luxury, taking care of yourself is a necessity. I see your struggle, and I want you to know you are valued, loved and important. There may be days when you feel bitterness towards your spouse because your job never ends. You are physically exhausted from the unending laundry, dishes, and diapers. You are mentally exhausted from the lack of adult interaction in your life. You constantly face an internal struggle with yourself about your decision to stay home. You love that you don't miss any moments with your kids, but you hate that you are stuck at home. I see your struggle, and I want you to know you are valued, loved and important. You have somehow lost sight of the woman you were before kids, you wonder if you'll ever find that woman again. Perhaps that woman you were before diapers, car seats and potty training won't return... perhaps you will discover that you are now forever changed by your new role. There will be days you miss the life you used to have and that's ok. For every moment you miss your pre-kids life, there will be five motherhood moments that bring you joy. I see your struggle, and I want you to know you are valued, loved and important. Mama even on your toughest days you are stronger than you think. Your kids won't remember that you were too exhausted to cook gormet meals or catch up on the laundry every week. Your kids will remember the time you spent reading together, coloring together and the time you spent creating endless barbie storylines. You feel you should do more, you feel you don't contribute enough...but the truth is you are valued, you are loved and you are incredibly important. Sincerely, A fellow exhausted stay at home mama

P.s. Can we finally recognize how hard it is to be a stay at home mom? Can we finally recognize that being a stay at home mom is a job? Can we finally stop shaming mom's for choosing to go back to work full time? Can we finally realize, that whether you work full-time outside the home or full time as a stay at home mom...you are enough!

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